This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 53; the fifty-third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. In association with Soulmates: Love without ownership by Vinit K Bansal. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
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Her memories of her father were of him being mostly away. She remembered how her father always made the excuse of being tired whenever she asked him to play with her. Her father gave her everything except his time. She remembers how her father always brought her chocolates. She hated her father and she hated chocolates.
For everyone else around her “growing up was a trap”, but for her “growing up was a relief”- relief that she doesn't have to see her father again. The fact that her every friend adored their father made her angrier. They would tell stories of their happy memories with their father and that would make her realize what she missed or she never had.
On her every birthday she would find a box of chocolates lying on the doorstep, each one different and expensive than before. She knew who keep them there year after year, her father. Without even a second thought she always threw them away mumbling something about her father trying to lure her with expensive gifts. What she never noticed was that those expensive gifts were only chocolates.
One day her mother called her. She was only too happy to talk to her. Her mother was the only person she was close to. She loved her deeply.
“Kate, how are you.”
“I am fine mom, but you sound distressed. Is everything alright?”
“No Kate. That’s what I have called you for.”
“What happened mom?”
Now even she was worried. The mere thought that something might have happened to her mom scared her to the soul.
“Kate, your father is suffering from cancer. He might not make it for long.”
She was stunned. She had never thought something like this might happen. But after a fraction of second she thought that it must be his father’s ploy to get her talk to him again. He had been trying for so long but nothing worked, so maybe he worked this out. She was in fact sure that this is the case. She was even angrier with her father for being so thoughtless about her mother. She was shaken thinking how her mother have been feeling now. She kept the thoughts to herself and didn't mouth it to her mother.
“Kate, you are there?”
“Yes mom. I am sorry to hear that.”
“I want you to talk to your father at least once. I want you to forgive him baby.”
“I will call him when I have time.”
“Thank you darling. I love you so much.”
“I love you too mom.”
She never called her father.
Days passed, weeks turned in to months. Her mother called her again, begging her to see her father one last time. She couldn't say no. She reached the hospital where her father was admitted. She was shocked on what she saw. She had always remembered her father tall, strong and handsome. The man on the bed was way to smaller and weaker. His face was wrinkled and his eyes were sunken. It was the way her mother was caring for the man that made her sure he was her father. His eyes gleamed when he saw her standing at the door. She felt guilty. She saw her father whispering something to her mother’s ear and then everyone left the room. She was alone with the man she hadn't seen and talked with for over a decade, the man she forgot was her father. He signaled her to come near. She obliged.
“Kate”, he whispered, “I was hoping you would come. I have so much to say to you.” She saw his eyes were wet. “You know the day you were born I was the happiest man in the world. When I held you for the first time in my arms I was born again, as a father. I still remember that beautiful tiny face of yours. You looked at me with those shiny happy eyes and I knew that’s how I want to see your eyes- always gleaming with happiness. I gave you my every second I could. Whenever I was at home I let your mother have you only when you were to be fed. I always held you in my arms. I used to get thrilled each time you wrapped your tiny palm around my finger. We had nothing much but we felt like king and queen because we had you. You have always been my princess.”
He looked at her with those sunken teary eyes and something inside her shook. “It was your third birthday. As usual we got you everything we could. We took you out and your eyes fell on a box of chocolate in the hands of one of your friends. You wanted it. We had no means to get you that box of chocolate or any other chocolate. They came pretty expensive then and I had a limited salary. You cried very hard. You kept crying all day and it killed me. I was ashamed of myself that I could not fulfill your one simple desire. I wondered how I was going to fulfill your other dreams and the dreams we had for you. Until that day I was content with my job and whatever I earned. You mother never complained and she ran the household efficiently with whatever I gave her. But that one box of chocolate made me realize it was not enough. I had to work hard, and I did. "
Tears ran down her eyes, regret tore her soul apart. “Kate, I loved you then and I love you now. You are a part of me. I did not play with you, yes, but that doesn’t mean I never gave you my time. Before everything I did, every step I took there was only one thing I thought of, YOU. While you slept I sat beside you watching you dream. You would smile sometimes and I would wonder what are you dreaming of. You were always in my heart and on my mind before anything else. It’s just that I never got to tell you. You are a part of my soul; I thought you would understand once you grow up. But we just grew apart. I am glad you came, else I would have died without letting you know how much I have loved you.”
She cried, hugged her father tight burying her face on his chest. She felt light now that all her hatred was washed away with her father’s love. She felt her father’s arm taking her in and she snuggled close wanting to feel the warmth she had missed in all these years. She felt her father’s arm slugging and slipping away. Her heart stopped. He died. She looked at his quite demeanor. Her life flashed in front of her eyes. She cried hard. In one moment she found her father and lost him too.